I'm Moving!

This is for my friends that are subscribed!
Thanks so much for you support and encouragement in following me, but I would like to announce that I'm moving my blog to wordpress.com. I was initially intimidated by it, but no longer can resist all it has to offer.

So come follow me @ http://olgashpak.wordpress.com/

Love in Christ!

~Olga

A Child of God

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” 1 John 3:1

I’ve always said that what you truly believe is shown in the way you live, not in what you say.

I can say that I know I am God’s child.

I can explain the Doctrine of Adoption. I can argue what that means for us and our position both to Him and to Jesus.

I can quote scripture from Isaiah, Ephesians, 1 John, etc. that speak of God as Father.

I get it. I understand very well on an intellectual level.

But had I been living that? Had I been running to my Father like a small child looking for help and comfort? Had I been dependant on Him the way a small child is completely helpless and dependant on her parents for life?

I have come to realize that I had been self-sufficient. While I have no problem asking people for help in activities and projects, when it comes to matters of the heart, I can deal with it myself. I have studied and learned enough to have the answers on what to do with my aches, my joys, my pain, my dreams, etc. I will take care of them. I have a theology to fit every occasion. I know what to do.

What I hadn’t counted on was the disconnection I was creating within me.

In the midst of my intellectual pursuit of God, I was attacked with lies. Instead of facing the lies, I pushed them aside knowing that they were doctrinally invalid. I knew the Truth, so the lie was absolutely irrelevant and not worth my time.

While my mind was satisfied with that, my heart did not buy into it. My heart was afraid. My heart questioned.

But how could I admit that? What would it mean to say my heart questioned what my mind (which I had valued over my emotions) knew so well?

What would God say? Wouldn’t He be disappointed?

Wouldn’t it break me?

It would. And it did. It broke me. But not in a way that destroyed me. It broke me in a way that left me feeling like a helpless child, running to her Father’s arms. And that is the best place to be.

And God was not disappointed. He wasn’t intimidated by the lies I had believed because He knew that they were lies. He had simply been waiting to show my heart the truth about Him. God was full of compassion.

So today I rejoice.

I rejoice in knowing my God loves and cares for me like a Father. My God wants the best for me, like a Father. My God understands me better than I do myself, just like the best Father. My God delights in me like a proud Dad. My God’s heart breaks for me when my heart is broken. My God longs to comfort me with the arms of a Father. My God is always there, like a perfect Dad.

And even though that doesn’t mean that I won’t feel pain. It does mean that I can face the pain and get through it not carrying the burden on my own.

Because I have a Great Daddy.

Grace that is Greater than Sin

“I do not understand the mystery of grace -
only that it meets us where we are
and does not leave us where it found us.”

 This weekend I started Redemption Group (which I have decided is basically like community group/discipleship on steroids).
I can say that I was definitely not prepared for what I experienced this weekend. I came in not really knowing what to expect, but I was both excited and a little nervous.
I walked away emotionally spent and incredibly overwhelmed by Grace.

I know that God has been incredibly gracious to me throughout my entire life. I do not understand why He pursued me so persistantly at such an early age, but I am so grateful to Him. That to say, I have always lived in a relatively safe world. I have never had to face the harsh reality of the malevolence, the atrocity of the world we live in. I have never had to face how completely horrifying sin is. This weekend, my heart broke over and over again as I heard stories upon stories of lives devastated by sin. I had never felt the very real weight of that. My heart was heavy.
But wonderfully, I was not left with a heavy heart.

In light of all the pain, God's grace became immensely more beautiful to me. All weekend, everything within me wanted to yell "Thank God there IS a Savior!" I saw in a so much more real way that God is Greater and Bigger than all of the mess!
To see lives that were utterly broken be so completely changed and turned around was amazing! I met so many beautiful women radiating with the grace that God had poured out on them. My heart is in awe thinking about it. To think that God takes people who are so messed up, deserving of God's wrath, and rescues them from their pits of destruction making them vessels of mercy, turning them into beautiful, complete, whole children of God, is stunning. It takes my breath away.

I am so incredibly grateful that God poured out so much grace upon me as a child. I see that my sinful, rebellious nature would probably have taken me on an extremely destructive path had not God been merciful. But God saved me! He not only saved me from hell, He saved me from myself! Thank you Jesus! And the best part? He continues to save me from myself! I am still so prone to sin. My heart is still so wicked, not longing for Him or His righteousness, but longing for the idols of my heart. Yet, He continually shows grace and draws me into Himself.

I am very excited about this quarter's Redemption Group. I am excited to see lives transformed as people come into greater understandings of the Good News. I am excited for what God will transform in my heart, the wounds He will heal, the lessons He will teach me. I am excited to be yet again captivated by Him.

I wanted to end this with the words of an old hymn. Sometimes, when I feel down, I open up my old hymnbook and just read it. There is so much beautiful Truth in the words I read. This particular hymn always blesses my heart.

Marvelous Grace

Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,
Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!
Yonder on Calvary’s mount outpoured,
There where the blood of the Lamb was spilled.

Chorus:

Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin.

Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold,
Threaten the soul with infinite loss;
Grace that is greater, yes, grace untold,
Points to the refuge, the mighty cross.

Dark is the stain that we cannot hide.
What can we do to wash it away?
Look! There is flowing a crimson tide,
Brighter than snow you may be today. 

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
Freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see His face,
Will you this moment His grace receive?

Redeeming Love

The book of Hosea is my favorite book of the Bible. Apart from Christ and the Church, the story of Hosea and Gomer is truly the greatest love story ever told. I was thinking about the story during lunch today and I couldn’t help but cry. I am so glad that God knew we wouldn’t be able to comprehend how amazing His love is for us and put this beautiful story in the Bible to show us a glimpse of what He has done for us.

Hopefully one day I will write a blog post on just how much the story means to me and how it brought life to me in dark days, but for today I wanted to share something someone else wrote.

Francine Rivers wrote a book entitled Redeeming Love that is her depiction of the story of Hosea and is really a phenomenal read. Recently a friend shared with me a book review that an acquaintance had written about Redeeming Love. I’d like to share this review because it not only is so well written, I also could not agree more with every point made! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. J

The Most Important Book You’ll Ever Read (outside of the Bible).

by Seth Macgillivray on Tuesday, August 16, 2011 at 10:51pm

Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers

Before I write my review for this book, I need to establish something first. I have, truth be told, never been particularly enamored with Contemporary Christian literature. I find the majority of it to be trite, emotionally manipulative, boring, and poorly written. I don’t say this in an “I’m too cool to like what everyone else likes” sort of way; after all, I’ve confessed to enjoying the Twilight series, The Hunger Games trilogy, and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy, all of which are extremely mainstream and kind of silly. However, these books were written for the express purpose of entertaining the audience, and in that regard, they were all extremely successful.

Deep calls to deep, however, and when writing stories based on the greatest subject matter -namely God and how His creation fits into His redemptive history- I believe we have an obligation to respond to the task at hand with all the creativity our Creator has endowed us. Sadly, we have traded inspiration for banality, imagination for the mundane, and worst of all, unpleasantness for safety.

One of the reasons I love the Bible, secondary to the fact that it reveals the nature and the character of God, is how unflinching it is in its storytelling. Since the bible is anything but safe, why should today’s Christian writing shy away from the brutality of the human condition?

Thankfully, this story does not have these problems.

Let me say then, before I explain why I think this book is so important, two problems I did have with it. First, the cover is horrendous. It looks like a Christian romance novel set in the old days, and as such, no man will ever go near it. This is extremely unfortunate, as this is just as important a read for men as it is for women, perhaps more, because it does such a tremendous job of giving insight into a woman’s heart, particularly one who has been through abuse.

Second, and this is minor, the title is somewhat misleading. Redeeming Love sounds very much like love is the object being redeemed (again, making it sound like a cheesy romance novel dressed up in Christian clothing), rather than the agent through which redemption is accomplished. I understand that Redemptive Love may have been a harder sell as a title, so I don’t particularly fault the author or the publisher for this, but it would have been a far more accurate one.

That said, let’s talk about the story itself. 

Sarah is a child born out of wedlock, to a father who doesn’t want her and a mother who chooses sorrow over love for her daughter. Through a series of unfortunate events, Sarah is eventually sold into sexual slavery as a little girl, and grows up to become a prostitute.

 As a beautiful but hardened young woman -now named Angel- she catches the eye of Michael Hosea (the name is not an accident), a Christian farmer who is told by God to marry her, though she doesn’t seem to be too interested in this prophetic word from a God in whom she doesn’t believe. Throughout the book, Michael endures as he tries to convince this broken, hopeless, jaded woman of his love for her.

 Those who are familiar with the prophetic book of Hosea in the Old Testament will recognize some familiar plotlines and themes in the story, but bible knowledge is not at all imperative to understanding or enjoying this book.

 First and foremost, this is a well-written, compelling story. It never slows down, the character development is, at least for the main characters, extensive and unflinching, and the writing is descriptive without ever being extraneous. Rivers is an author who understands the need to move a plot along, while at the same time creating characters that matter to us. I found myself many times throughout the story wanting to yell at a character, becoming physically uncomfortable during tense moments, and hating the bad guys while cheering for the good guys. When people suffered, I suffered. When they rejoiced, I rejoiced. 

 To her credit, Rivers was uncompromising in her description of the abuse Angel suffered, though never gratuitously graphic. Instead, we were witness to the devastation those actions had on the mind and the heart of this young woman, allowing the weight of what was perpetrated onto her to be far more heavy and impactful than any depiction of the actual act could have been.

 Most of all, this book works because I cared about these people like they were actually in my life. I am rarely given to emotional manipulation, and yet I cried almost the entire way through the book (which, as you can imagine, was a rather interesting sight to those seated around me on the airplane, which is where I read most of it).

 This is, in essence, a story on three levels. At the surface, this is about a character named Angel, and the man who comes into her life, Michael. At a deeper level, this is about every woman’s desire to be loved; to have a daddy who adores her and finds her pretty, to trust that there are those in her life who will guard and protect her heart, be seen as something more than simply an object of desire for men, to have a sense of hope and purpose for this life, and to be fully known. This is also about what happens to a woman when that desire becomes highjacked, when a daddy’s love is replaced by abandonment, when trust is betrayed, when hope becomes dangerous because the weight of it threatens to crush her heart, and when a girl’s identity gets so twisted that she believes she is nothing more than a plaything for men.

 At the deepest level, this is our story. All of us. We are Angel, broken, full of despair, without hope in the world. We all need a Savior, someone who will deliver us from bondage to slavery, someone who will know us fully and completely, someone won’t reject us. We all need a love that redeems us.

 This is a story that needs to be read by every man to remind us of the consequence that comes when we see women as objects rather than souls. Nothing I have ever read has given me such a deep, complex, and complete insight into the condition of a woman who has been abused sexually. This will, I hope and pray, give every man who has ever viewed pornography, ever visited a strip club, ever manipulated a girl into sexual compromise a sense of the weight of their actions.

 This is a story that needs to be read by every woman who thinks that her worth is defined by how men respond to her, who believes that all she has to offer is her sexuality, who has placed her value on a scale weighed against society’s version of what she should be and found herself lacking.

 Most of all, this is a story that needs to be read by all of us who believe that our inherent self-worth is based on the love shown to us by another person. That love will always fail us, because that love is imperfect and incomplete. What Angel is shown is that it is only the love of the Savior who redeemed her, Jesus Christ, that can fully give her freedom from her bondage to slavery.

 May we all know this love.

September

I cannot believe it is September already! It seemed just yesterday I was getting excited about the summer! Although here in Seattle we were slightly robbed of nice weather, I am actually really excited for the Fall!

I don’t think I’ve ever realized how much I love September. I started thinking about it during work the other day and here is the list I came up with:

Reasons I love September ( and Autumn in general!)

1.      The end of summer. Although I love summer so much, something beautiful occurs within the soul when summer ends. There is this sweet moment of nostalgia as you relive all of the fun times you’ve experienced, mixed in with a bit of sadness at the knowledge of parting with sun and carefree-ness, and simultaneously an excitement for the “new” year or school year. It’s a kaleidoscope of emotions that is really quite beautiful.

2.      Leaves! Both rustling in the wind as they fall off trees and the pretty colors they turn!

3.      School! Yes, I am a nerd. I always get excited for school in the fall.

4.      Crisp fresh air.

5.      Scarves and coats.

6.      New books, notebooks, journals, and pens.

7.      New planners!

8.      Hot drinks; whether tea, coffee, or cocoa. :)

9.      Bundling up in layers.

10.  Walking outside and being warm from all of your clothing, but having a cold nose from the cool air J

11.  Harvest! Although I am not and have never been a farmer, harvest has always seemed like such a joyful event (when all the hard work is finished that is) and it is greatly celebrated in countries all over the world. Also, the Slavic community always celebrates harvest in a spiritual sense; evaluating what we’ve reaped and sown throughout the year spiritually.

12.  Snuggling in a blanket with a hot drink and a good book on a rainy day. ( side note- I think that fall carries with it a mood and atmosphere for reflection and deep thought that other seasons don't.)

13.  Boots and Leg warmers!

14.  Grays, Browns, and Blacks

15.  Back to School Clothes shopping!

And speaking of clothes, I don’t think there is ever a season that I consider fashion trends as much as I do in the fall/back-to-school season. Since I no longer go to school and don’t really make that shopping trip, I decided to post some of trends that I am in love with this fall in honor of September!

Disclaimer: I in no way consider myself a fashionista or someone who is fashion-forward., but I do love fashion because I think it is very artistic. So I Just thought I’d have fun posting the trends that have caught my eye. Enjoy ;)

~Cardigan jackets~

What a great mash up of the two! Comfort and style:) And the glasses are being seen everywhere!

~Buttons~

Have and always will be in love with them. Glad to see them back this year.

~Jeans~

Flares are back! It is almost a little strange to see them since we’ve gotten so used to skinny jeans for some time now, but that is exactly why flares have made a comeback; skinnys have lost their ability to turn heads and catch eyes. Everyone is wearing them! I personally am crazy about this straight leg/ boyfriend fit. I love the look.

~Off the shoulder tops~

These are to die for! I love how simple and comfy they are, yet look so classy. I can not get enough them right now.

This image is an old one of Anne Hathaway from Devil Wears Prada. I remember this outfit very distinctly because I fell in love with it then. I think it is very fitting to this season! I love the white collared shirt under the off the shoulder sweater (not to mention the fabulous Chanel necklace). I’ve been seeing this look a lot.

~Mix-n-Match~

I have always always loved stripes. They have a nautical appeal that is so endearing and stylish. What caught my eye about this image is how they matched the stripes with the flower print scarf! I think it is so interesting! I would never have thought that can work, and yet it does. I haven’t quite decided how I feel about this, so let know what you think J

~Skinny Bright -Colored Belts~

So small and almost delicate, yet add so much flavor to an outfit. I love the cropped trousers as well!

That's all for now.

Hope you guys enjoyed this! Let me know what some of your favorite trends are this fall!

HOME

Every single person on this earth shares a common desire. No matter demographic, all have a common innate yearning. All long for a place called home: a place where you feel safe to be truly you, no pretense. A place filled with warmth where you can be comforted.  A place where you can both laugh and cry unreservedly.  A place where you belong.

I believe all go through a season of ache; feeling the weight and burden of our longings not being fulfilled. We don’t feel at home.

I can think of many times when I was simply hungry to belong. Whether it was at home, school, church, work, there have been several situations and places where I felt like a foreigner, seemingly alright, but truly feeling rather awkward.

Reading through the Psalms, I was struck by a particular line:

“Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations...” Psalm 90:1

Israel spent hundreds of years in captivity, in bondage, away from their home, yet consistently, throughout all generations, they had a dwelling place: The LORD was their dwelling place, their Home. As I reminisce on my seasons of loneliness, seasons of not feeling a sense of belonging, I remember the sweetness of being with the Lord. I remember being safe to be completely honest with Him, no pretense. I remember feeling warmth from His Presence when He comforted me. I remember being filled with exuberant joy at times and grief at others, and being free to feel and express those emotions to their entirety. With Him, I knew what it meant to belong.

I heard a sermon once in which the preacher said that lonely people feel God’s Presence in a very special way that people who aren’t struggling with loneliness don’t feel. If this is true, could it be that loneliness is actually a blessing rather than a curse? Could it be that when God let Israel go into captivity, He was really pouring out mercy on them knowing that only as wanderers, as foreigners they will grasp the understanding that the LORD is to be their dwelling place? Could it be that God allows us to not have a real home here so that we do not get too comfortable and forget Him?  Could it be that seasons of loneliness are meant for our good, that we might experience intimacy with God in a way we otherwise would not be able to?

This gives me hope. This encourages my heart.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros’ hit song “Home” contains the following line: “Home is whenever I’m with you.”

I have to agree. 

Home is truly whenever I am with You, Jesus <3

Soli Deo Gloria

   I was rebuked by a sermon today. I was challenged to stop, reflect, and remember what the point of everything is. It is so easy to get caught up in the routine that you forget why it is you started the routine in the first place!
The point is very simple: God's glory.
The sermon very clearly (and biblically) displayed that the reason, the motive, behind everything God does is His own glory. He loves, He saves, He restores, He reconciles, etc.. all for the fame of His name.
And that is awesome because that is what makes Him God.

Now if God is passionate about His own glory, would not that imply that His people should be equally passionate about it?
Absolutely.

All of this came crashing down with one glaring point: it is not about me! The world does not revolve around me. My rights, thoughts, desires, plans are pretty much insignificant. They don't matter.

This is so counter-cultural it is almost ridiculous. Culture is telling me that I deserve it, I have the right to be offended and upset, I should look out for number 1. But God is telling me that instead, I need to be passionate for His glory. I am not to be consumed with myself, I am to be consumed with Him.

And the knowledge of that is incredibly freeing.
Once my hurts, my trials are compared to the weight of His glory, they don't seem like a big deal. I am free to let go of the pain I want to hold on to, am even expected to hold on to! With my focus redirected on glorifying Christ, I am free to see Him and not the things that weigh me down.

That sounds spectacular, but does it really seem possible?
Even though I know these truths and know them well, life often still seems difficult. Why can't it just be easy to forget the pain? Do I have to feel it so deeply?

As I mediated on this, this passage came to mind that shed some light.

"Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do it, for how should my name be profaned? My glory I will not give to another." -Isaiah 48:10-11

Yes, I will be afflicted. For some reason I was hoping that my shift of focus would take away the pain in its entirety. I was hoping that remembering God's glory would just make life easy somehow.
But the point was never about not feeling pain! That is me making it about me again! I have been arguing that I need to remember that I am not the center of the universe. Life is not about me. Everything is about God and His glory!
 However, I forgot that God receives glory in a variety of ways.
And one of those ways is through trial and tribulation. Affliction will come. But I will bring glory to God in my affliction. I will remember that God is refining me, FOR HIS OWN SAKE!
And though I will feel the angst that comes with the trial, the burden will be slightly lifted with the knowledge that God is being glorified.

God is passionate about His glory. His people should share that passion.

I had said that that realization will bring freedom.

And so it has. I am free to bring glory to God, whether the sun is shining or the storm is raging. All be for His reknown.

Soli Deo Gloria

All I Can Say

I stumbled upon an old song today, one that I probably haven't heard in at least 4 years or so. Today it pulled the strings of my heart in a completely new way, almost as if I had never heard it before.

The thing I appreciate so much about this song is its stark honesty. The writer expresses exactly what his heart is feeling. So often I feel a need to spiritualize things, to say things that I know will make me sound like a spiritual person, say things that I know are doctrinely grounded/ theologically suitable for whichever situation... And I often forget that my God is actually my Daddy and wants to hear from me like a child running to her daddy for help. I often forget the beauty of the simplicity of the gospel. I forget that prayer needs to be honest and simple. I think about how David prays so boldly, almost seemingly bipolar in his emotions, but he's honest with God! It's not as if God doesn't know what his heart is feeling anyway! I want to learn to pray like that. No pretense. Just me and my God, completely honest. Completely childlike.

My thoughts today are reflections of my experience yesterday.Yesterday I walked into church not filled with joy at all.. I was shaken, yet trying to be strong. Worship started, but how was I supposed to sing? I started singing anyway, initially pretending that I was just fine. That didn't last very long. I broke. And it was a beautiful thing. I can say that I've never worshipped God like that before. Something similar has probably occured in the past, but not quite like that. I was in a place where I just said, "Lord, I'm so messed up inside. My heart is completely broken. But I will worship You anyway. Because I know You. I know that you are Merciful and Good, abounding in Compassion. I know that you are Faithful. I know that you are Holy and deserving of all honor and praise. I know that you are God...

But Lord, I am broken. So I can't sing very loud. I can't sing very joyfully. But I'll sing with what I have right now: my broken everything...
This is All that I can say... And I'm giving it to you. "

And God understands.. He doesn't take away the pain. But He does something better. He's there. With me. Holding me together.

Here are the lyrics for All I Can Say by David Crowder:

ALL I CAN SAY

Lord I'm tired, So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
Lord the dark is creeping in, creeping up to swallow me

I think I'll stop rest here a while.

Chorus:

This is All that I can say right now
And This is All that I can give.

This is All that I can say right now

And this is All that I can give, That's my Every Thing

Didn't You see me Crying
And didn't You hear me call Your Name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember where You sat it down

Chorus:

This is All that I can say right now, I know it's not much
But this is All that I can give.

This is All that I can say right now,

And this is All that I can give, That's my Every Thing

I didn't notice You were standing here.

I didn't know that that was You holding me.

I didn't notice You were crying too

I didn't know that that was You washing my feet.

Fear

Don't you just love it when the Holy Spirit speaks so clearly that you can't ignore Him no matter how hard you try?? I know that my sinful self often wants to pretend I didn't actually hear the Holy Spirit whisper into my heart, gently pressing me to give up sin. My sinful self often wants to remain in my state of sinfulness because it's more comfortable there. I'm in my comfort zone and I do not need to be stretched.

Lately the Holy Spirit has not been whispering, He has been speaking loud and clear. He might as well smack me on the back of my head. It has been that noticeable. I guess I've probably been stubborn too long and He's through with being gentle.

The sin he's been rebuking me of is Fear of Man.

I remember first being called out on it by a friend about 3 years ago. The friend didn't straight up call it sin, but told me to stop caring about what people think and made me memorize 1 Corinthians 4:3-4. I did and at that point it helped. I can honestly say that I got much better about not giving too much thought to what others thought about me, but rather focusing on Jesus.

More recently, the Lord has been showing me that that was just a tip of the iceberg. He began revealing that there are still so many areas in my life where I give in to that fear and particular people that I am afraid of!

He spoke to me through a godly woman who has been a monumental encouragement to me during this time. Then it was brought to my attention again by a pastor. A short while later, I was given a book to read by Edward T. Welch called "When People are Big and God is Small."

Finally, this Sunday I went to MHFW and Pastor Sam preached a sermon about the Fear of Man and brought up several examples from the book! I was almost laughing! God is clearly trying to pound the message into my head!

I was very encouraged by Pastor Sam's sermon. It helped a lot to deal with this season I'm going through where people are bound to gossip and say hurtful and untruthful things. It gave a lot of rest to my soul to remember that it doesn't matter and that I shouldn't worry about what people say. I serve a BIG God who will take care of me! And if I fear Him, I don't need to fear what people think or say about me!

I'm only about halfway through the book, but have been enjoying it immensely! I wanted to share some quotes with you that have been helpful.

First of all, at the very beginning of the book the author sets out a list that helps identify fear of man in your life. I wanted to share it:

~Have you ever struggled with peer pressure?

~Are you over-committed? Do you find it is hard to say no even when wisdom indicates that you should? (story of my life!)

~Do you "need" something from your spouse? Do you "need" your spouse to listen to you? Respect you? Love you?

~Is self-esteem a critical concern for you?

~Do you ever feel as if you might be exposed as an imposter?

~Are you always second-guessing decisions because of what other people might think? Are you afraid of making mistakes that will make you look bad in other people's eyes?

~Do you feel empty or meaningless? Do you experience "love hunger"?

~Do you get easily embarrased?

~Do you ever lie, especially the little white lies?

~Are you jealous of other people?

~Do other people often make you angry or depressed?

~Do you avoid people?

~Aren't most diets, even when they are ostensibly under the heading of "health," dedicated to impressing others?

~ When you compare yourself to other people, do you feel good about yourself?

It seems as though this is a universal problem! The author's point is that the only way to fight the fear of man is by growing in the fear of the Lord!

Here is a quote I liked that had to do with being afraid of an oppressor:

"When we are being oppressed by other people - whether they are enemies, bosses, or spouses - this is one of the holy pictures that god gives us. 'Opression will not last,' God says, 'but my compassion will.' God's compassion is bigger than the threats of other people. This, of course, is difficult to see at times. It takse eyes of faith to see God's strong arms of compassion and anticipate deliverance in times of trouble. But God's goodness to us is always close, and we need to practice seeing it."

I am trying to train myself in practicing that. The Lord is my Shepherd. Not only does He guide me, He protects me :) Whom shall I fear?

My Little Corner

I have not done what I have purposed to do at all! (Is anyone surprised by this? I highly doubt it.) Per usual, I have made myself quite busy these last two weeks. I am not complaining. The time spent has been fruitful and also fun. Nevertheless, the busyness has kept me from spending time alone.

Today I wanted to share about a special place; a place very near and dear to my heart. This place happens to be my most favorite in all of the greater Seattle area and that says A LOT considering how many amazing places Seattle has to offer. That sweet place is Redondo :) Now I know what you're thinking: groups of Russians with bags of sunflower seeds, right? Even though that is the stereotype (and a correct one!), that great asset (sarcasm noted) is not what draws me in and makes this place so appealing. It is not even all of the beautiful memories of walks with girlfriends, pouring out our hearts to each other (although those memories are very sweet and will be forever cherished) that entices me. The reason is much more simple, yet innumberably more profound: this is the place where I meet the Lord. This is the location of my dates with Jesus.

These dates can happen only when it's not too cold and not too wet out. If it's too cold, I'll just shiver the entire time and not enjoy it, and if it's raining, my things will get wet.

Here is what it looks like:

I pull up to Redondo, park my car, and walk out with my Bible/ Journal/ Pen in one hand and my iPod in the other hand. While approaching the boardwalk, I put my headphones in my ears and turn on my Worship playlist (which my awesome brother Dima made! Shout out!). Once my feet hit the wood, my heart begins to fill with anticipation. I know what is awaiting me. As I walk down this familiar path my heart will be preparing itself for what's about to happen. My soul starts awakening. It has a way of knowing, a familiarity that is beyond my mind, that stirs it's very being. I will walk all the way to the end of the boardwalk, crawl over the fence/boulder (I don't know what it's called!), walk onto the beach, find whichever stranded log that is most inviting on that day, settle in, open my heart and my Bible, and wait. It all seems so simple, but what occurs is beautiful beyond comprehension. The Lord meets me there! The Creator of the Universe, God Almighty, comes and communes with me, mere dust! He quiets my heart and whispers into it. Isn't that incredible? It blows my mind just thinking about it.

I spend my time pouring into the Word, reflecting in my journal, gazing at the waters crashing on the shore reminding me of God's Power and Majesty, and my soul is filled! Psalm 107:9 says "For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." Oh how true those words are! If I continue to learn anything in this life, it is that no thing, no person, satisfies me like the Lord does. He alone fills every void in my soul! Whether I come to him in unabashed joy or in utter brokenness, He is faithful to meet me and comfort me in whichever way I need. And how sweet it is to know that I am fully known by this Glorious God and fully accepted and fully loved. My heart rejoices in that truth!

I love my Jesus dates because although I have just summarized what they look like, I am never aware of what the Lord will show me there. I have had days when I am in awe of Him and lift my hands in praise and worship. I have had days when I have simply cried to Him and He has held me in the deep way only He can. I have had days when I've struggled with difficult texts and practically wrestled with God to enlighten my mind and eyes to His truths. And I have had days when I have simply come and been filled with complete peace.

Today was one of those days. I cleared up my schedule after work because I knew that Redondo was calling my name. I needed so much to meet with the Lord. My soul was hungry for special time with Him. And I came and He gifted me with a sense of rest and peace in Him, as well as the simple yet complete joy of knowing Him.

I love these times so much. Sometimes I wish I could go there everyday, but I know, being the imperfect human that I am, that were I to frequent my little corner on a daily basis, the times would lose their weightiness. So I am thankful. Thankful that God continues to gift me with such wonderful moments.

I love Redondo. I love what happens there. But really, it comes down to this:

I love Jesus.

<3

Trust and Obey

Trust. -noun.
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.

I remember being a teenager and consciously having to learn to trust God for the first time. I say consciously because although I am certain of times when I trusted Him as a child, this was the first time that I truly felt the weight of hardship in my life. That period of time was the first time I remember thinking that life is hard and I feel utterly helpless to change anything about it. At that time I learned to trust God. There was absolutely no one else to run to, so He was my Refuge. After He proved Himself faithful yet again, I learned to trust Him. And He had so satisfied my soul that I thought I'd be able to trust Him always in everything.
Now I look back at the naivete of that 15 year old and smile. Had I been told at that point that I would constantly need to learn and re-learn to trust the Lord, I probably would've been skeptical. I was so sure that I had learned the lesson well. And I had. But as life kept going, each year had different trials, different decisions, different obstacles in which I had to learn to trust the Lord over and over again.
In the beginning I would grow completely frustrated with myself. "Olga," I would think to myself, " you have already learned this lesson! Why do you have such a hard time trusting your Creator?" Now I look back at the naivete of those questions and smile. Yes, at the time, they were necessary questions to ask. However, now with each year I become more and more acutely aware of my own weakness, my utter depravity, and with it comes an acceptance of the fact that yes, trusting will always be a struggle (although it truly does get easier), but also a deeper appreciation for God's grace and mercy. And love for Him grows out of that awareness and appreciation.

Having said all of that, for a little more than half a year, I had been constantly reminding myself to trust God, to trust His plans for my life. I kept trying to fight anxiety in my life with trust. And that is a good thing. But after having a long season of struggle in the area of trust, I came to realize that although God wanted me to trust Him, He wasn't asking that of me at the time. At that time he was calling me to something else: obedience.
Obey. -verb
1. to comply with or follow the commands, restricitions, wishes, or instructions of;
Wow. Here I was struggling for so long with trusting God's plan for my life, when in reality God wanted me to obey Him! Why did that seem so much harder than trusting? I mean, I knew all of the Scripture references that talked about obedience (i.e. "If you love me, you will obey My commandments John 14:15, and countless others that relay the importance of obedience..) yet, I was reluctant to obey. I didn't think I was disobedient. I was just reluctant to take any steps or make any decisions. (although news flash: postponing obedience is really just disobedience). There came a moment of revelation recently when I finally admitted to myself that I am a coward. That was truly the issue. Obeying God is often scary! No wonder God says to Joshua after he takes over for Moses to "Be Strong and Courageous" over and over again! Have any of you noticed how often that phrase is written in the book of Joshua? God was clearly trying to make a statement. Because obeying God does take courage! It is usually completely the opposite of what the world (and often even other Christians) are telling us! And that's also what He was teaching me. Be strong and courageous. Obey Him. It doesn't matter what anyone else says. Just take the step of faith to Obey, and Trust that He will work all things together in that magnificent way that only He can.... wait trust? Yes. I guess it wasn't just a lesson of obedience after all. It seems that Trust and Obedience do go hand in hand. And to finish off this blog, I would like to post the lyrics to an old favorite hymn. I was originally planning on just posting a few excerpts, but I realized that all of the words were so good, so full of rich theological truth, that I had to post it all.
Enjoy.

Trust and Obey

When we walk with the Lord
In the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do his good will,
He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way
to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a burden we bare,
Not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss,
Not a frown or a cross,
But is blest if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove
The delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows,
For the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet,
We will sit at His feet,
Or we'll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do,
Where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

<3

Hello World!

...So I finally did it..

I absoultely love reading blogs. Maybe i'm just nosey, maybe i have too much time on my hands, but I love reading about other people's lives or learning new things from people's blogs! I had been wanting to start one myself for the longest time but kept dissuading myself with arguments like "I don't have the time; I have nothing to write that no one else hasn't written before; Aren't there better things to do with my time?, etc etc" ...

However, today is a new day and today I am not allowing all of these arguments (which still exist) to deter me!


Those who know me know that I can't help but stay busy with involvement in a bazillion things. Well this summer I decided that I needed a break. I figured the healthiest thing for me to do would be to take time to become an introvert again, use my time away from work to be still, relax, re-examine my life (inspired by Socrates), and as the wise Solomon said in Ecclesiastes, rejoice in my youth and let my heart cheer me in the days of my youth AND to remember my Creator!

All that being said, I am starting this blog to document this time and even to keep myself accountable in actually doing what I plan to do and not just finding things to busy myself with again.



If you feel inclined to follow me through this journey, I'd love to hear your input:)


Grace and Peace!


~Olga