A Child of God

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” 1 John 3:1

I’ve always said that what you truly believe is shown in the way you live, not in what you say.

I can say that I know I am God’s child.

I can explain the Doctrine of Adoption. I can argue what that means for us and our position both to Him and to Jesus.

I can quote scripture from Isaiah, Ephesians, 1 John, etc. that speak of God as Father.

I get it. I understand very well on an intellectual level.

But had I been living that? Had I been running to my Father like a small child looking for help and comfort? Had I been dependant on Him the way a small child is completely helpless and dependant on her parents for life?

I have come to realize that I had been self-sufficient. While I have no problem asking people for help in activities and projects, when it comes to matters of the heart, I can deal with it myself. I have studied and learned enough to have the answers on what to do with my aches, my joys, my pain, my dreams, etc. I will take care of them. I have a theology to fit every occasion. I know what to do.

What I hadn’t counted on was the disconnection I was creating within me.

In the midst of my intellectual pursuit of God, I was attacked with lies. Instead of facing the lies, I pushed them aside knowing that they were doctrinally invalid. I knew the Truth, so the lie was absolutely irrelevant and not worth my time.

While my mind was satisfied with that, my heart did not buy into it. My heart was afraid. My heart questioned.

But how could I admit that? What would it mean to say my heart questioned what my mind (which I had valued over my emotions) knew so well?

What would God say? Wouldn’t He be disappointed?

Wouldn’t it break me?

It would. And it did. It broke me. But not in a way that destroyed me. It broke me in a way that left me feeling like a helpless child, running to her Father’s arms. And that is the best place to be.

And God was not disappointed. He wasn’t intimidated by the lies I had believed because He knew that they were lies. He had simply been waiting to show my heart the truth about Him. God was full of compassion.

So today I rejoice.

I rejoice in knowing my God loves and cares for me like a Father. My God wants the best for me, like a Father. My God understands me better than I do myself, just like the best Father. My God delights in me like a proud Dad. My God’s heart breaks for me when my heart is broken. My God longs to comfort me with the arms of a Father. My God is always there, like a perfect Dad.

And even though that doesn’t mean that I won’t feel pain. It does mean that I can face the pain and get through it not carrying the burden on my own.

Because I have a Great Daddy.