Fear

Don't you just love it when the Holy Spirit speaks so clearly that you can't ignore Him no matter how hard you try?? I know that my sinful self often wants to pretend I didn't actually hear the Holy Spirit whisper into my heart, gently pressing me to give up sin. My sinful self often wants to remain in my state of sinfulness because it's more comfortable there. I'm in my comfort zone and I do not need to be stretched.

Lately the Holy Spirit has not been whispering, He has been speaking loud and clear. He might as well smack me on the back of my head. It has been that noticeable. I guess I've probably been stubborn too long and He's through with being gentle.

The sin he's been rebuking me of is Fear of Man.

I remember first being called out on it by a friend about 3 years ago. The friend didn't straight up call it sin, but told me to stop caring about what people think and made me memorize 1 Corinthians 4:3-4. I did and at that point it helped. I can honestly say that I got much better about not giving too much thought to what others thought about me, but rather focusing on Jesus.

More recently, the Lord has been showing me that that was just a tip of the iceberg. He began revealing that there are still so many areas in my life where I give in to that fear and particular people that I am afraid of!

He spoke to me through a godly woman who has been a monumental encouragement to me during this time. Then it was brought to my attention again by a pastor. A short while later, I was given a book to read by Edward T. Welch called "When People are Big and God is Small."

Finally, this Sunday I went to MHFW and Pastor Sam preached a sermon about the Fear of Man and brought up several examples from the book! I was almost laughing! God is clearly trying to pound the message into my head!

I was very encouraged by Pastor Sam's sermon. It helped a lot to deal with this season I'm going through where people are bound to gossip and say hurtful and untruthful things. It gave a lot of rest to my soul to remember that it doesn't matter and that I shouldn't worry about what people say. I serve a BIG God who will take care of me! And if I fear Him, I don't need to fear what people think or say about me!

I'm only about halfway through the book, but have been enjoying it immensely! I wanted to share some quotes with you that have been helpful.

First of all, at the very beginning of the book the author sets out a list that helps identify fear of man in your life. I wanted to share it:

~Have you ever struggled with peer pressure?

~Are you over-committed? Do you find it is hard to say no even when wisdom indicates that you should? (story of my life!)

~Do you "need" something from your spouse? Do you "need" your spouse to listen to you? Respect you? Love you?

~Is self-esteem a critical concern for you?

~Do you ever feel as if you might be exposed as an imposter?

~Are you always second-guessing decisions because of what other people might think? Are you afraid of making mistakes that will make you look bad in other people's eyes?

~Do you feel empty or meaningless? Do you experience "love hunger"?

~Do you get easily embarrased?

~Do you ever lie, especially the little white lies?

~Are you jealous of other people?

~Do other people often make you angry or depressed?

~Do you avoid people?

~Aren't most diets, even when they are ostensibly under the heading of "health," dedicated to impressing others?

~ When you compare yourself to other people, do you feel good about yourself?

It seems as though this is a universal problem! The author's point is that the only way to fight the fear of man is by growing in the fear of the Lord!

Here is a quote I liked that had to do with being afraid of an oppressor:

"When we are being oppressed by other people - whether they are enemies, bosses, or spouses - this is one of the holy pictures that god gives us. 'Opression will not last,' God says, 'but my compassion will.' God's compassion is bigger than the threats of other people. This, of course, is difficult to see at times. It takse eyes of faith to see God's strong arms of compassion and anticipate deliverance in times of trouble. But God's goodness to us is always close, and we need to practice seeing it."

I am trying to train myself in practicing that. The Lord is my Shepherd. Not only does He guide me, He protects me :) Whom shall I fear?

My Little Corner

I have not done what I have purposed to do at all! (Is anyone surprised by this? I highly doubt it.) Per usual, I have made myself quite busy these last two weeks. I am not complaining. The time spent has been fruitful and also fun. Nevertheless, the busyness has kept me from spending time alone.

Today I wanted to share about a special place; a place very near and dear to my heart. This place happens to be my most favorite in all of the greater Seattle area and that says A LOT considering how many amazing places Seattle has to offer. That sweet place is Redondo :) Now I know what you're thinking: groups of Russians with bags of sunflower seeds, right? Even though that is the stereotype (and a correct one!), that great asset (sarcasm noted) is not what draws me in and makes this place so appealing. It is not even all of the beautiful memories of walks with girlfriends, pouring out our hearts to each other (although those memories are very sweet and will be forever cherished) that entices me. The reason is much more simple, yet innumberably more profound: this is the place where I meet the Lord. This is the location of my dates with Jesus.

These dates can happen only when it's not too cold and not too wet out. If it's too cold, I'll just shiver the entire time and not enjoy it, and if it's raining, my things will get wet.

Here is what it looks like:

I pull up to Redondo, park my car, and walk out with my Bible/ Journal/ Pen in one hand and my iPod in the other hand. While approaching the boardwalk, I put my headphones in my ears and turn on my Worship playlist (which my awesome brother Dima made! Shout out!). Once my feet hit the wood, my heart begins to fill with anticipation. I know what is awaiting me. As I walk down this familiar path my heart will be preparing itself for what's about to happen. My soul starts awakening. It has a way of knowing, a familiarity that is beyond my mind, that stirs it's very being. I will walk all the way to the end of the boardwalk, crawl over the fence/boulder (I don't know what it's called!), walk onto the beach, find whichever stranded log that is most inviting on that day, settle in, open my heart and my Bible, and wait. It all seems so simple, but what occurs is beautiful beyond comprehension. The Lord meets me there! The Creator of the Universe, God Almighty, comes and communes with me, mere dust! He quiets my heart and whispers into it. Isn't that incredible? It blows my mind just thinking about it.

I spend my time pouring into the Word, reflecting in my journal, gazing at the waters crashing on the shore reminding me of God's Power and Majesty, and my soul is filled! Psalm 107:9 says "For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things." Oh how true those words are! If I continue to learn anything in this life, it is that no thing, no person, satisfies me like the Lord does. He alone fills every void in my soul! Whether I come to him in unabashed joy or in utter brokenness, He is faithful to meet me and comfort me in whichever way I need. And how sweet it is to know that I am fully known by this Glorious God and fully accepted and fully loved. My heart rejoices in that truth!

I love my Jesus dates because although I have just summarized what they look like, I am never aware of what the Lord will show me there. I have had days when I am in awe of Him and lift my hands in praise and worship. I have had days when I have simply cried to Him and He has held me in the deep way only He can. I have had days when I've struggled with difficult texts and practically wrestled with God to enlighten my mind and eyes to His truths. And I have had days when I have simply come and been filled with complete peace.

Today was one of those days. I cleared up my schedule after work because I knew that Redondo was calling my name. I needed so much to meet with the Lord. My soul was hungry for special time with Him. And I came and He gifted me with a sense of rest and peace in Him, as well as the simple yet complete joy of knowing Him.

I love these times so much. Sometimes I wish I could go there everyday, but I know, being the imperfect human that I am, that were I to frequent my little corner on a daily basis, the times would lose their weightiness. So I am thankful. Thankful that God continues to gift me with such wonderful moments.

I love Redondo. I love what happens there. But really, it comes down to this:

I love Jesus.

<3

Trust and Obey

Trust. -noun.
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.

I remember being a teenager and consciously having to learn to trust God for the first time. I say consciously because although I am certain of times when I trusted Him as a child, this was the first time that I truly felt the weight of hardship in my life. That period of time was the first time I remember thinking that life is hard and I feel utterly helpless to change anything about it. At that time I learned to trust God. There was absolutely no one else to run to, so He was my Refuge. After He proved Himself faithful yet again, I learned to trust Him. And He had so satisfied my soul that I thought I'd be able to trust Him always in everything.
Now I look back at the naivete of that 15 year old and smile. Had I been told at that point that I would constantly need to learn and re-learn to trust the Lord, I probably would've been skeptical. I was so sure that I had learned the lesson well. And I had. But as life kept going, each year had different trials, different decisions, different obstacles in which I had to learn to trust the Lord over and over again.
In the beginning I would grow completely frustrated with myself. "Olga," I would think to myself, " you have already learned this lesson! Why do you have such a hard time trusting your Creator?" Now I look back at the naivete of those questions and smile. Yes, at the time, they were necessary questions to ask. However, now with each year I become more and more acutely aware of my own weakness, my utter depravity, and with it comes an acceptance of the fact that yes, trusting will always be a struggle (although it truly does get easier), but also a deeper appreciation for God's grace and mercy. And love for Him grows out of that awareness and appreciation.

Having said all of that, for a little more than half a year, I had been constantly reminding myself to trust God, to trust His plans for my life. I kept trying to fight anxiety in my life with trust. And that is a good thing. But after having a long season of struggle in the area of trust, I came to realize that although God wanted me to trust Him, He wasn't asking that of me at the time. At that time he was calling me to something else: obedience.
Obey. -verb
1. to comply with or follow the commands, restricitions, wishes, or instructions of;
Wow. Here I was struggling for so long with trusting God's plan for my life, when in reality God wanted me to obey Him! Why did that seem so much harder than trusting? I mean, I knew all of the Scripture references that talked about obedience (i.e. "If you love me, you will obey My commandments John 14:15, and countless others that relay the importance of obedience..) yet, I was reluctant to obey. I didn't think I was disobedient. I was just reluctant to take any steps or make any decisions. (although news flash: postponing obedience is really just disobedience). There came a moment of revelation recently when I finally admitted to myself that I am a coward. That was truly the issue. Obeying God is often scary! No wonder God says to Joshua after he takes over for Moses to "Be Strong and Courageous" over and over again! Have any of you noticed how often that phrase is written in the book of Joshua? God was clearly trying to make a statement. Because obeying God does take courage! It is usually completely the opposite of what the world (and often even other Christians) are telling us! And that's also what He was teaching me. Be strong and courageous. Obey Him. It doesn't matter what anyone else says. Just take the step of faith to Obey, and Trust that He will work all things together in that magnificent way that only He can.... wait trust? Yes. I guess it wasn't just a lesson of obedience after all. It seems that Trust and Obedience do go hand in hand. And to finish off this blog, I would like to post the lyrics to an old favorite hymn. I was originally planning on just posting a few excerpts, but I realized that all of the words were so good, so full of rich theological truth, that I had to post it all.
Enjoy.

Trust and Obey

When we walk with the Lord
In the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do his good will,
He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way
to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a burden we bare,
Not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss,
Not a frown or a cross,
But is blest if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove
The delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows,
For the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet,
We will sit at His feet,
Or we'll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do,
Where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

<3

Hello World!

...So I finally did it..

I absoultely love reading blogs. Maybe i'm just nosey, maybe i have too much time on my hands, but I love reading about other people's lives or learning new things from people's blogs! I had been wanting to start one myself for the longest time but kept dissuading myself with arguments like "I don't have the time; I have nothing to write that no one else hasn't written before; Aren't there better things to do with my time?, etc etc" ...

However, today is a new day and today I am not allowing all of these arguments (which still exist) to deter me!


Those who know me know that I can't help but stay busy with involvement in a bazillion things. Well this summer I decided that I needed a break. I figured the healthiest thing for me to do would be to take time to become an introvert again, use my time away from work to be still, relax, re-examine my life (inspired by Socrates), and as the wise Solomon said in Ecclesiastes, rejoice in my youth and let my heart cheer me in the days of my youth AND to remember my Creator!

All that being said, I am starting this blog to document this time and even to keep myself accountable in actually doing what I plan to do and not just finding things to busy myself with again.



If you feel inclined to follow me through this journey, I'd love to hear your input:)


Grace and Peace!


~Olga